Ryan Dash Patrick Dot Com

Election Day a few days, hours and minutes away, many of the local candidates with local candidate ad budgets are scrambling to put ANYTHING on the air.

As a public service to these potential public servants, I present the handy-dandy do-it-yourself campaign ad.

Just fill in the blanks, print and contact your local media rep, post haste.

Happy Campaigning!

“Hello, this is (name as it appears on ballot).  I’m your candidate for (elected office) .

I grew up here in (town/region). (town/region) is in my blood.  And I would be honored to represent you in (city hall/county seat/state capitol/nation’s capital).

I stand for (choose any combination of the following:  opportunity/growth/education/economic development/jobs/gay marriage/the expansion of instant replay in Major League Baseball, other:________)

My opponent, (d-bag’s name), would have you believe that (he/she) supports these causes. But nothing could be further from the truth.

In fact, (d-bag) voted AGAINST (choose any:  building of schools/funding for the local children’s hospital/little league baseball/puppies/your grandmother, other:_______).

Furthermore, (he/she) SUPPORTED (flag burning/book burning/cake burning/the cancelation of Law & Order/the decision to give the Tonight Show back to Jay Leno, other:________).

Is this the kind of representation you want?  Is this the kind of representation you deserve?

On Election Day, vote (integrity/honesty/sober).  Vote (name as it appears on ballot) for (elected office).

Remember, (d-bag) doesn’t like you.  But I do.  A lot.

ANNOUNCER:  Paid for by the (committee to elect/friends of/sons and daughters of) (name as it appears on ballot).

I’m (name as it appears on ballot) and I (approve/can’t believe I’m printing and using) this message.