Speaking in St. Louis!

April 23rd, 2012  |  Published in Business, Speaking

Reserve Your Seat!

Come see me in St. Louis!

I will be a featured speaker at “Boom Your Business” – a fast-paced, jam-packed, mind-blowing, half-day marketing seminar presented by The Wizard of Ads Group on Wednesday, May 16th from at the Crowne Plaza in downtown St. Louis, MO.

Fellow Wizard of Ads Partners Tim Miles, Paul Boomer, Ray Seggern, Steve Rae, Tom Wanek, Jeff Sexton, Mike Slover and I will be sharing proven marketing strategies that can help you grow your business.

Best of all – no sales pitch! We’re not trying to sell you anything. But you will leave with some free stuff and LOTS of ideas.

Space is limited and will fill up quickly. Reserve your seat today.

It’s going to be a fast, fun, and informative day. Come join us in St. Louis on May 16th!

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Bluff: Called.

March 15th, 2012  |  Published in Business, How To, Life

Save the Date!

I thrive on deadlines. As long as they’re not my own.

See, I tend to procrastinate.

Okay, that’s an understatement. In the world of procrastinators, I’m the Grand Poo-bah. If there was an Olympic Procrastinating Team, I’d win the bronze, silver, AND gold. I’m forming a procrastinator’s club…tomorrow.

And when I set my own deadlines, I tend to, well, re-set them.

Example: My friend and business partner, Tim Miles, and I were returning from meeting a new client in Tennessee when our discussion turned to speaking engagements. Tim is a world-class speaker. He’s spoken to thousands of people domestically and abroad. He’s witty. He’s captivating. He’s pretty dang good.

I’m not. Yet. But I’d like to be.

The truth is I’ve been interested in public speaking for a while. I just haven’t done the work to develop an audience-worthy presentation.

I want to. I’ve been meaning to. Really. It’s been on my to-do list. For, uh, over a year.

So, today, Tim encouraged me to set a deadline.

Then he picked up his phone.

And called a friend in Missouri.

To book a speaking gig.

For me.

*gulp*

I penciled in the deadline. Tim chiseled it in stone.

(For the record, Tim used to be known for his distaste, defiance and downright disrespect of deadlines. Tall tales are still being told of his diabolic deadline-dodging abilities. Now he’s putting the squeeze on me. That, Alanis, is ironic.)

Yep. Tim forced my hand, called my bluff and put some walk in my talk. Dang it.

Truth be told, it’s just what I need.

Do you constantly miss, postpone or ignore the deadline you’ve set for yourself?

Let someone else set it for you.

Or call Tim.

He’s pretty dang good.

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The Super Big NFL Championship Bowl Game!

January 12th, 2012  |  Published in Business, Copywriting  |  1 Comment


Right about now, local business owners across the country are asking their media reps to run ads that say…

It’s a Super Bowl of Savings!”

“Don’t miss our Super Sunday Sale!”

“Come watch the Patriots battle the Ravens!”

“It’s the Super Bowl of Furniture Sales!”

“If you’re looking for the best Super Bowl Party in town…”

…and so on.

Yet, what those business owners (and, sadly, some media reps) don’t know is that these phrases and others like them violate copyright law.

Yup. The National Football League has dug their copyright cleats into an assortment of often-used (and abused) words, titles and phrases. And to say the NFL is just a little bit protective of their intellectual property is to say that Lady Gaga is just a little bit looney.

If you choose to use one of their fortified phrases in your advertising or promotional message, prepare to incur the wrath of the league’s legal lackeys. Or, at the very least, expect a particularly persuasive cease-and-desist letter.

There are infamous stories of the NFL shutting down Super Bowl parties at casinos and churches. The league even claims showing the game on a screen larger than 55 inches is copyright infringement. Uh-oh. Nowadays, you’d be hard-pressed to find anyone who watches the game on a screen SMALLER than 55 inches.

So, you say, what can I say that will keep my keister out of court?

First, here’s what you CAN’T say or print:

* “Super Bowl”

* “Super Sunday”

* The Super Bowl or NFL logo

* “NFL,” “AFC” or “NFC”

* “The National Football League”

* “American Football Conference”

* “National Football Conference”

* Any team name or nickname (i.e. “Packers” or “Broncos”)

Now, here’s what you CAN say or print:

* “The Big Game”

* “The Professional Football Championship Game”

* The date of the game (February 5th)

* The names of the two competing cities, as long as the team names are not mentioned (i.e. “Houston” or “New York”)

* Any statement mocking the fact that the NFL doesn’t allow the media to use any of the forbidden terms. For example, you can use “Super Bowl” in a radio spot and beep out the word “Super.”

That’s it. Unless, of course, you want to fork out eighty-quadrillion-bajillion dollars to be an “official” sponsor of the Super Bowl. Something tells me the average hometown haberdasher can’t spare that kind of dough to be the “Official Zipper Provider of the Super Bowl.”

Besides, I’m sure someone already has that sponsorship sewn up.

*************************

If you’re asking, “Why can the DJ or News Anchor talk about the Super Bowl and I can’t?” The answer is something called “nominative fair use.” Defined by BroadcastLawBlog.com:

“It means that DJs can use the term “Super Bowl” editorially in discussing the game on air (but not in a way to imply that the station has a connection to the game, or not in a repeated way analogous to a station slogan or positioning statement). It means that news stories about the game can refer to the “Super Bowl.” The NFL will not consider such uses to be trademark infringement so long as the use is reasonable. In fact, from an editorial perspective, the NFL appreciates some hype about the game to attract viewers and general consumer interest in the game.”


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Don’t Call It a Resolution!

January 1st, 2012  |  Published in Life  |  4 Comments

 
To begin, let me be clear. This is not a New Year’s Resolution.  
 
Any resolution I make is doomed for failure. I can keep a secret, keep my word, keep an eye out, keep the powder dry, and keep on believin’…but I can NOT keep a resolution to save my life.  
 
Therefore, the following should in no way, form or fashion be interpreted as a New Year’s Resolution.  
 
Sure, I’m beginning this journey at the beginning of the new year. Yes, I’m setting a deadline at the end of the year. But, you see, if I give it the title of “Resolution,” then it’s over before it even begins.  
 
I also can’t call it a “target” because a target can be missed. And I have no intention of missing. Nor can it be termed a wish or aspiration or dream.  
 
So, I’ll refer to it as my “finish line”.  
 
Today I’m going public. But, first, a little back story:  
 
In May of 2011, I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. To say I was surprised would be a lie. I expected it. I dreaded it. I avoided the doctor to ignore it. But I couldn’t run from it anymore. Years of bad eating, no exercise and a lineage of diabetes finally caught up with me.  
 
I made changes to my diet. I cut out as much sugar as I could. Mt. Dew, pasta, and peanut buster parfaits were replaced by diet soda, vegetables, and sugar-free jello. I also forced myself to exercise. I walked at least two miles every morning.  
 
It worked. My blood sugar levels lowered, I felt better, and the weight dropped off.  

312 pounds!!!

At my heaviest (circa December 2009, see pic), I tipped the scales at 312 pounds. Yup. I’m embarrassed to even write that.  
 
Today, I weigh 259 pounds. A difference of 53 pounds in two years. Good, huh? Well, yes and no. Yes, I’m happy to be lighter. I have more energy. My clothes fit better. I don’t have to buy 3X shirts to feel comfortable.  
 
But in the last two months, I’ve fallen off the wagon. I’ve gone back to eating bad stuff. Except for sugary sodas, I’m gorging myself on the same foods I was eating prior to my diagnosis. The onset of cold and rainy weather curtailed my walking regimen. My blood sugar has remained lower than it was, so it was easy to justify my bad habits. But now I’m starting to notice many of the same symptoms are creeping back into my everyday life.  
 
So, that’s why I’m going public. I need accountability in my journey. I need support. Your prayers would be appreciated, too.  
 
Okay. (sfx.drumroll) Here it is. My finish line:  
 
212 in 2012!  
 
Catchy, huh?  
 
What does it mean? Simply put, by December 31st, 2012, I will be at or below 212 pounds.  
 
Notice I didn’t say “I hope to be at 212″ or “my goal is 212.” No, I’m GOING to be 212 pounds at the end of 2012.  
 
Or else…what? I don’t know. That’s up to you. Feel free to share your thoughts below.  
 
212 pounds. That’s 47 pounds away. That’s roughly 0.9 pounds a week. And it would give me a grand total of 100 pounds lost.  
 
Doable? Yep. Easy? Nope.  
 
But I’m going to do it.  
 
Just so long as I don’t call it a “Resolution.”  
 
 

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Bad Advertising Clichés – (Dis)Honorable Mentions

August 18th, 2011  |  Published in Business, Copywriting

Last week, I wrapped up my list of the seven most offensive advertising clichés.

This week, with a little help from my friends, I present a few more that didn’t make the cut.

Enjoy!

There’s never been a better time to buy…

Everything must go!

But, wait, that’s not all!

We service what we sell!

Pennies on the dollar!

Stackin’ them deep and sellin’ them cheap!

Wall to wall savings!

Such a deal!

Prices so low, we can’t even say them on the air!

Shop early for the best selection!

Savings throughout the store!

Family owned and operated!

You’ve tried the rest, now try the best!

We will not be undersold!

Simply the best!

A short drive from anywhere!

Due to overwhelming response!

We make it easy!

Your One Stop Shop!

Save like never before!

Your official (blank) headquarters!

Plenty of free parking!

Spring into Savings / Fall into Savings!

Service second to none!

It’s the sale you’ve been waiting for!

That’s a wrap! What did I miss? Please share your (least) favorites in the comments below…

 

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Bad Advertising Cliché #1 – “For All Your (blank) Needs”

August 11th, 2011  |  Published in Business, Copywriting

In the world of bad advertising clichés, none are cliché-ier than “For All Your (blank) Needs.” It’s the poster child for lazy copywriting.

Just listen to commercial radio for one hour.  Read a newspaper from front to back. Watch local TV commercials during the 6 o’clock news. I can almost guarantee you will hear/read/see the phrase “For All Your (blank) Needs” at least once. Maybe more.

Go ahead. Try it. I’ll wait.

Was I right?

“Wait. If that phrase is so bad, why do so many companies use it?”

Because a) it’s safe, b) easy to use, and c) the ad writer didn’t have anything else to say.

Nothing special about your lumber yard? No problem!  Just use, “For all your homebuilding needs!”

Can’t compete with the price or selection of the other pet store? Easy fix: “For all your pet supply needs!”

Need to fill three more seconds of that sixty second radio commercial for your boutique?  Try this: “For all your fashion accessory needs.”

My favorite was a radio commercial for a diner in Kentucky that advertised “for all your breakfast needs.”

Yes, I want you to smother my pancakes with beluga caviar and truffles. What do you mean you can’t do it? That’s my breakfast need!

Every one of us have different needs.

Mine are different from yours.

Yours are different from his.

His are different from hers.

You’re not a 100 dollar bill – you can’t please everyone.  There will ALWAYS be needs that you simply cannot meet.

“For All Your (blank) Needs” is an empty promise. It doesn’t convey the unique essence of your business.  It won’t convince consumers to buy from you. It’s the grand poo-bah of bad advertising terms.

Congratulations. You have a marketing slogan that says nothing.

Is that what your business “needs”?

 

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Bad Advertising Cliché #2 – “Lowest Prices”

August 4th, 2011  |  Published in Business, Copywriting

What’s that you say, Mr. Business Owner?  You claim to have the lowest prices?  Funny, your competition is running ads saying the exact same thing.

One of you is lying.

“No, really, my prices really are lower.”

Okay. Prove it.  Put your money where your mouth is.  You really charge less?

SHOW ME THE PRICE!

“Whoa, I can’t do that. If my competition finds out my prices are lower, they’ll just keep lowering their prices, too.”

Guess what?

  1. Your competition knows how much you charge.
  2. If they can drop their price and sell it for less, YOU CAN’T OFFER THE LOWEST PRICE!

(And please don’t advertise that your prices are “competitive.”  That’s just another way of saying you charge the same as your competitors.)

A study by corporate psychologist Dr. Richard D. Grant, PhD, found that roughly 50 percent of consumers are transactional buyers who shop for the reason of price alone.  They will haggle, gouge, triple-coupon and price-match their way to getting the absolute, bare-bones, cheapest price.

Sure, you may get their business now, but they’ll dump you when they find someone else who can sell it cheaper.

And isn’t there ALWAYS someone who can sell it cheaper?

Rather than waging a pricing war that you’ll never win, give your customers something extra:

* A Warranty/Guarantee…

* Free Shipping/Delivery…

* Customer Rewards Program…

* Exclusive, Invitation-Only Events…

* A Secret Decoder Ring…

What’s that?  You can offer an added perk that the other guys can’t?  I’ll get a better value for my money?

NOW I’m listening.

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Bad Advertising Cliché #3 – “Limited Time”

July 28th, 2011  |  Published in Business, Copywriting

“As a limited time offer, the IRS is accepting your tax returns!”

“Your pregnancy will only last for a limited time!”

“Hurry, 2011 could end at any time!”

Without specific deadlines, we’d never do our taxes, our baby’s nursery would never get painted and Dick Clark wouldn’t know when to drop the ball in Times Square.

“For a limited time” won’t motivate, stimulate, induce, prod or persuade.

Deadlines elicit response.

April 15th.  40 weeks.  11:59:59 on New Years Eve.  

Uh-oh. Now you’re on the clock.

Specifics are stronger than generalities.  How will customers respond to your offer?

“For a limited time.” = “I can put it off.”

“Sale ends at 8 o’clock tonight.” = “Where are the car keys?”

 

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Bad Advertising Cliché #4 – “Friendly Knowledgeable Staff”

July 21st, 2011  |  Published in Business, Copywriting

Really? Your employees are ALWAYS friendly? Even on those days when his alarm didn’t go off and he had to take a shower with no hot water and then spilled coffee all over his only clean work shirt as he was on his way to arriving at work 45 minutes late, only to learn that two of his co-workers called in sick so he has to handle everybody’s duties while answering the phone, fielding complaints and trying to figure out why  the credit card machine isn’t working?  You’re telling me that guy is gonna be a ray of sunshine from 9 to 5?

Life happens. It’s a rare person who can be friendly all the time.

“Yes, but they’re knowledgeable.”

Really? They know EVERYTHING about your product or service? You say they are well-versed in the inner workings of your business and fully aware of your policies. Are you sure you want to make that claim? See, the first time I walk in to your establishment and ask the part-time college student behind the counter what I perceive to be a simple question and yet she can’t give me a simple answer, she is no longer “knowledgeable.”

And if I can’t believe “friendly, knowledgeable staff,” should I assume other advertising claims you’ve made are false as well?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not implying that friendliness and knowledge are not important traits. But you set your employees up for failure when you make promises in two areas wherein you have no control:  1) their mood, and 2) their mental capacity.

Remember, your employees aren’t you. They’re not going to always act like you would in certain situations.

Instead of touting “friendly,” assure me that your team is always ready and willing to help me find a solution to their problem. There’s relief in knowing someone has my back.

Prove “knowledgeable” by walking me through their training process. How many hours did they study your product? What kind of experience do you require of your employees?

Don’t tell.

Show.

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Bad Advertising Cliché #5 – “Conveniently Located”

July 13th, 2011  |  Published in Business, Copywriting  |  1 Comment

Guess what?

Unless your store is located next door to wherever I am, your location is not convenient.

If I have to take a detour from my regular route to find your shop, your location is not convenient.

And if you boast a chain of outlets across the country, but you haven’t yet opened one in my hometown, your location is not convenient.

Don’t promise “conveniently located”.

Just tell me where to find you.

I’ll decide if it’s convenient.